What are we doing?
by Ivy Kendall
Summary: Tag to 3x13, Sharon can't sleep due to all the thoughts running through her mind. Only one person can help her sort it out.


Sharon tossed and turned. She couldn't get comfortable. Usually a night at the ballet relaxed her, and she fell asleep with the music playing in her memory. Not this time. If she were honest with herself, she hadn't heard much of the music, and if she didn't already know the story, she would have been completely lost.

Honest with herself... that was a concept she'd been struggling with all evening. Was she being honest with herself? The ridiculous smirk on Nicole's face all evening made her wonder. Rusty just egged Nicole on, of course. They were all against her, Sharon thought for a moment, then laughed at herself.

It didn't take long for the laugh to become a groan, however. How could he set her up like that? With his own daughter? And how long had he been encouraging Nicole's assumptions? Were they assumptions, or had Andy started it? No... she knew Andy hadn't been the original source, that wasn't his style. He fumbled relationships, badly at times, but he knew the best lies were based in truth.

She rolled over again, this time pushing one of her pillows off the bed. She was being stupid about this, she knew. They needed to get this settled, so without looking at the clock for fear common sense and good judgement would call her up short, she dialed his number.

He picked up on the first ring, "I was expecting your call."

It shouldn't have pleased her to know he'd been waiting up for her, but she couldn't help the leap of pleasure she felt.

"How did you know I would call?"

"Cuz you usually do after it's been a hard case or you need to work something out."

"Do I?" that surprised her. Too many things had surprised her over the last few days.

Silence hung on the line, neither wanting to be the first to speak. She didn't know what to say, her mind was racing, but the sad sigh on the other end prompted her.

"Andy..."

"I'm sorry, Sharon. I really am.

"Andy..." she tried again.

"No, you gotta know I shoulda been honest with Nicole right from the start."

Sharon bit her lower lip. He sounded like he was ready to cry, and she suddenly wished they were having this conversation together instead of over the phone. She couldn't see his face, and she really wanted to see the emotions playing across his features. More importantly, she wanted him to see that she wasn't angry, just confused and disappointed and... confused...

"Do I really call that much late at night?" She changed the subject and heard him chuckle.

"I'm a safe place."

"Safe place?"

"Yeah... you know I get it. You don't have to explain stuff to me. Whether it's the case or the kids or the office politics, I get it."

Sharon smiled into her phone, "Yes, you do. I can always count on you."

"Except this time." The sadness was back.

Closing her eyes, she tried to ignore the rough feeling at the back of her throat.

"I don't know what else to say," his voice so soft she could barely hear him.

She reached over to grab one of the pillows still on her bed, and hugged it to her chest. "Tell me how it got started," she encouraged him, then rested her chin on the pillow and waited.

"Well..." he started, after a long pause, "after the wedding..."

Sharon's head snapped up and her eyes grew as large as saucers. The wedding was over a year ago, almost two. How could he... ? Calm, Sharon, she told herself. You won't hear his confession if you cut him off.

"You still with me?" she heard on the other end of the line. Dammit. She hadn't hidden her reaction at all. She had to keep it out of her voice.

"Go on... after the wedding..."

He sighed again, "Yeah... well after the wedding... You remember I said I was seeing a counsellor to make things right?"

Sharon nodded to herself. That wasn't until last fall, she knew. Closer to last Christmas, really. That was far better than the summer.

"You have to understand, Nicole really, really likes you. Right away she started liking you. And... you know... because of you, she started looking at me different. Like maybe I was a real person after all."

"Andy..." she wanted to tell him he was all those things, and so much more.

"No.. listen... She asked about you, and I didn't think much of it. So when your name came up at the counsellor's I again talked about you as my _friend_. Well, that wasn't good enough for my ex, and she started to say things about me using you and lying about it. And I'd..." he sighed again.

Sharon pursed her lips. She could imagine the scene clearly, Andy struggling to make his case, Nicole desperate to trust everything her father told her but wary after years of hearing the worst of him, and the ex... Gillian would never be satisfied until she had destroyed every last scrap of self-respect Andy had.

"So maybe I said a few things I shouldn't have. But it shut her up and made Nicole smile. I didn't think beyond that at the time."

Another moment of clarity broke through his confession, "That's what you wouldn't tell me last year, isn't it? When you asked me to The Nutcracker last year and were acting so erratic, you were afraid I would find out. You wanted me there to prove your point, but you were worried something would be said."

"No.. no..." he jumped in to correct her. "I mean, yes, that's what I was hiding and no I didn't want you to find out, but I didn't want you there just to shove it in Gillian's face. I really liked the idea of going with you."

"You did?" she asked softly.

She could hear the grin through his words, "Yeah... I mean, aside from Nicole, you were the most beautiful woman there, and I got to show you off."

Sharon giggled, she couldn't help it. "I'm glad I'm only second to Nicole."

"Yeah, well... she's Daddy's little girl."

"That she is." Sharon smiled at the thought, then sobered, "Andy, you could have told me. It wouldn't have changed anything."

"Yeah, I know, but if I told you that I woulda had to tell you the whole truth."

"Whole truth?"

"Whole truth... Sure I wanted to put a smile on my little girl's face, but I wanted to put a smile on your face, too."

Sharon let go of the breath she didn't realize she was holding, "My face?"

"Your face. Look Sharon, do you remember what last year was like for you, with the treats and the police action and Rios? I just wanted to give you a night when none of that mattered. I think I did, didn't I?"

Sharon closed her eyes, and felt the fullness at the back of her throat again. Had he given her a night to forget all of her worries? Yes, he certainly had. He had been the perfect gentleman, holding her chair, holding her coat, making her laugh...

"Sharon?" the concern and worry that he'd overstepped was back in his voice, she knew.

"You said you didn't want to tell Nicole."

"Wha?"

"In my office, you said you didn't want to tell Nicole. What did you mean? You didn't want to tell her you'd lied, or..."

"Ah," she could almost hear him nodding his understanding. "That... but I'd kinda grown to like the idea, and I was hoping if it played out long enough, I wouldn't have to say anything."

"Which means?" If ever there was a time she needed him to say things clearly, this was that time.

"Which means... when I look at my calendar and see your name written in twelve or fifteen places in a month, and I think of the movies I wouldn't have seen or the museums I'd never go to... You make my life better. I know more and see more because of you. I don't want to go back to spending weekends watching Provenza get drunk or eating cold pizza for breakfast because that's all I had the night before. I got things to talk about now. I don't want to give that up."

This time she couldn't keep the feelings at the back of her throat in check, and a small tear ran down her cheek, down through the corner of her smile. She closed her eyes in an effort to hold on to the feelings his words brought to the surface. No... she didn't want to go back either.

"Everyone seems to have an opinion about this," she finally said.

"Who cares what they think. That doesn't matter."

"I'm not ready to give this a name."

"Who said it has to have a name? We'll just be each others 'plus one,' unless you get a better offer."

"Unless I get a better offer? What about you?"

"Couldn't happen."


End file.
